I'm not sure why, but most of my AGMs (awkward gay moments) revolve around softball.
Ya'll remember this one, right?
Well, before Apes and I began playing on the co-ed team I wrote about, we belonged to another team coached by Nate, a guy we work with.
Nate's a mess.
I think if he could turn himself into a lesbian, he would.
He's always making some kind of in-E-propriate remark that I should find offensive.
But I don't.
I just laugh and punch him in the gut.
When we played for Nate's team, there was another girl named Heather.
After the first game, we decided it was too unnerving to hear, "duck, Heather!" and not know who they were screaming at.
We decided to go by last names.
Good idea...except it turned out that we have the same last name....except for the first letter. (example: Bitz and Mitz).
Um, okay. Weird. And not gonna work.
Numbers. We'd go by our jersey numbers.
Except Nate gave us the same number.
How does that happen?
We gave up and both responded to any direction given to a Heather.
Kinda worked in my favor....she's an exceptional ball player and I never grew tired of hearing "Awesome catch, Heather!"
I'd hear that, step forward (from my spot on the bench), and wave and bow.
Heather and I became pals (how could we not), and while I never told her I was a big homo, I assumed she knew.
April and I came to every game together.
We left together.
We sat together.
Apes supported me every time I missed the ball at bat (or accidentally caught it with my breasts).
We thought it was obvious.
Until I missed one game and Heather asked April if she knew where I lived and why I wasn't at the game.
Apes just smiled, said I had to work and that she had a good idea where I lived.
"Oh. Well, I guess she doesn't know....," I said.
The subject never came up again and last season, Apes and I joined another team that needed some players.
Fast forward to this morning.
The second I walk into work, Nate corners me and says, "girllllll, do I have a story for you!"
"Oh, Lord. What is it?"
"Okay, well, I was calling all the staff members yesterday to tell them I needed everyone to come in early this morning because we had to put the classrooms back together after the holidays, right?"
"Uh huh. Apes said you'd called."
"Right. Well, I, uh, I THOUGHT I was calling you, but I accidentally called the other Heather. The one from the softball team."
"Okay, this is funny. So, I call and say, 'whaaat's up? It's Nate Dog.' And it's really quiet. She just says, 'Oh, hi.'"
"What did you do?" I asked, afraid.
"I thought it was weird you were so quiet, so I asked, 'Is this a bad time?' and she said, after a second, 'No.' and then it was quiet again. I had to ask if she was still on the line and she said yes. So, then I said, 'Well, tell April to get up off of you so I can talk to you!'"
Insert Nate's hysterical laughing.
"Dude, she didn't say a word. Then, I figured it out. I was like, 'This isn't Heather from work, is it? This is Heather from the softball team, right?' It was. I apologized for bothering her. But I did get to confirm she'd be playing third base for us next season. But it was funny, dog. Oh my God."
I just shook my head and laughed.
I think third-base Heather prolly knows I'm a big homo now.