Thursday, August 28, 2008
Mamaw's Bathroom Humor.
I realize it's been far too long since I've posted a Mamaw Erma story.
Mamaw is April's 87 year old grandmother. I adore her.
She can be cantankerous and outspoken (which is clearly why I adore her).
I was reminded of this story during a recent dinner I had with my good friends Sharon and Marcia.
Only now am I able to laugh about it. A little.
Sharon and Marcia, however, had absolutely no problem reveling in what was a very disturbing incident for me.
I trust you'll be kinder to me than they were, so I'll share what happened.
About a year and half into our relationship, Apes and I were visiting her mom and Mamaw in Bristol, TN. They live together and are always a great source of blog material. This trip was no different - unfortunately for me.
Mamaw is hard of hearing and doesn't care to wear her hearing aides because they make her look old. And according to her, they don't work. Ever. And her ear doctor is stupid and doesn't know what he's talking about.
Her refusal to wear her hearing aides can lead to some,um, issues.
Mamaw's room is directly across the hallway from the room April and I share when we visit.
The bathroom is at the end of the hallway.
Around 2am on the morning in question, I rolled out of bed, cussing under my breath for not being able to hold my pee longer.
I shuffled out of our room, turned left down the hallway and with my eyes still nearly shut, entered the bathroom.
I didn't turn on the light. Didn't want to wake Mamaw.
I pulled down my pants and sat.
I swear to God.
I sat ON Mamaw.
It took two seconds to realize I was feeling Mamaw's thighs underneath me and not the cold, porcelain seat cover.
"MY GOD!" I yelled, as I jumped up, fully awake and scrambling to pull up my pj bottoms.
Mamaw wasn't frightened. Sister was sitting on the pot, GIGGLING.
That's not cool.
I guess I should be glad I didn't give her a heart attack.
I'm sure if she'd heard me coming, she would have let me know the bathroom was already occupied.
At least I'd like to think she'd tell me.
She did seem to find it verrrrrrrrry amusing.
You can see why this memory stayed buried for so long....