When I was a little girl, I honestly believed in the Boogie Monster.
He was humongous, dark green, had sharp teeth, crazy yellow eyes, long cracked nails and despite his size, he fit without issue in my itty bitty closet.
During the day, he never crossed my mind. Not even when I yanked my closet door open to pull out my Holly Hobby puzzle or my Little Golden Books that I could masterfully stack like a house of cards.
If the sun was stranded in the sky, I was safe. The only shadows I saw were my own and they were a mere three and a half feet tall. Hardly worth peeing the bed over.
But when the moon chased the sun into darkness, I swear I could hear him.
The Boogie Monster.
Clawing at the backside of my closet door.
If I listened hard enough, I could hear his labored breath.
I pictured him waiting for the second I fell asleep, ready to pounce and do God knows what.
He terrified me.
So I did whatever I could to stay downstairs with my parents.
I'd beg to finish watching Magnum PI.
I'd offer to vacuum.
Whatever. I just didn't want the Boogie Monster to get me.
My parents, being parents of the responsible variety, believed I should get a full night's sleep.
They offered to check my closet for the Boogie Monster every night. They never found him.
I'd argue he was invisible to parents and would get me as soon as they left.
So they wouldn't leave.
Many a night, either my mother or father would curl up next to me in my twin bed and wait until I drifted off to sleep.
The next morning, they'd say:
"See, no monsters!"
I'm 34 years old and sometimes, I admit, I'm still afraid of the Boogie Monster.
He doesn't live in my closet, but in my head.
He likes to dangle my fears in front of me, fears like failure, financial insecurity and losing loved ones.
Sometimes he comes close to carting me off to do God knows what to me.
But I snap out of it.
I know he exists only because I allow him to.
He's humongous when I feel my problems are bigger than I am.
His teeth are sharp when I am extremely sensitive and I feel instead of hear negative comments come my way.
His eyes are crazy and yellow when I allow my own eyes to be distracted, focusing on the issue instead of on the solution.
I am the Boogie Monster.
Knowing that makes me so much less afraid.
Besides, even though I'm grown, my parents are still on monster ass-kicking duty.
I know I could call them, tell them I was scared, and they'd clear every closet until I felt safe again.
The Boogie Monster doesn't stand a chance.
Monday, October 6, 2008
Me Vs. The Boogie Monster
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22 comments:
That's awesome... think they can come check out my closets sometime?? :)
Wow, that was very good. The only difference between what you wrote and my childhood, is that I didn't have parents that would kick my monster's ass.
Tina: They'd totally check out your closet. Probably build you a new walk in one too if you asked really nicely....that's next on my list :)
dlh6296: Thank you, I feel a kinship with anyone who spent their formative years scared of the Boogie Monster! I'm sorry your parents didn't scare off the BM. All parents should be required to do so. Kids are so precious, their fears so real. Means you were doubly strong to fight your fears alone!
Does that mean that the Boogie Monster is only gay at night?
Anyway, 1 Corinthians 13:11 should have also had 'when I was a child, I had fears like child...now that I am an adult, I put away my childish ways but now have fears like an adult'.
I hear ya and I still deeply appreicate the 'night light'!
XOXOX
Melis
Heather, you are crazy... where do you come up with this stuff??
Melis: Apes is all about the night light too. Oddly, I have trouble (now) sleeping with any light. We compromised and sleep with the hallway light on and the door shut. Guess that's enough light to keep her boogie monsters at bay :)
Renee: the boogie monster made me do it. what can I say?
When I was little my father took me to the Oriental Institute in Chicago.
They are a museum of archeology.
They had mummy there... and I thought every night that they were coming to get me... even though I lived in North Dakota at the time...
My dad finally had to explain to me that mummies could not drive and that they would not let them on the Greyhound because they did not have any money... so the mummies living Chicago could not possibly get me in North Dakota.
My Dad always used logic to kill the monsters for me.
Paula: funny! and smart.
mine was bigfoot......man.....i still get skeered.....
heather.. no wonder you don't pick 'em hangers in the closet.. you probably think it's your defense against the boogie monster.
Next time the boogie monster comes, throw Apes in front first! Hahaha.. feed her to him! She could be your hero.. and you be her damsel in distress! What a perfect fairy tale!
change of address: http://innerworkingsmediajunkie.blogspot.com
That will explain everything.
Yeah that explaination worked for the Chicago mummies... but I am still pretty glad, even today, that there are no North Carolina mummies.
i was afraid of sharks after i saw jaws as a child. i knew there were sharks under my bed; i didn't dare let a limb dangle for years. as an adult, the sharks are gone. i think they've turned into land mines...and when they detonate is out of my control.
im fairly certain that boogie monsters are deathly afraid of one eyed poodles...
so i think yall are safe
I was never afraid of the boogie monster. as a child I was afraid of abusing parents, not mine thank god, other children's. there was once a TV show I watched and for few years I couldn't sleep because of the thought of abused and battered children. now, a mother myself, I find this thought comming back to me at nights...
i have a similar boogie monster....except its called life.
I should have gone out for the long jump in high school, after developing muscles that could spring me from the door of my bedroom to land perfectly on top of the bed.
My boogie monster lived under the bed. Probably because my closet was a wreck!
Heather, everyone knows the boogie monstor Does NOT hide in the closet. He ambushes you from under your bed. That's why you never want to leave your feet or hands even close to the edge of the bed. He'll get you.
I was always afraid monsters would jump out of my dresser drawers if they weren't closed all the way.
j24: Bigfoot was never on my radar. Thankfully. I don't think I could have taken being that frightened of more than one monster....
Lynnette: You are BRILLIANT! Yes, that has to be why I litter the closet floor with hangers. Next time April nags be about it, I'm so going with that "line of defense" excuse. BRILLIANT!
Mars: Thanks for giving me the heads up on your new blog address :) As for life being your Boogie Monster, I think we all feel that way sometimes. Once you learn the best way to fight your monster, it gets better. Nothing is worse than fearing something.
lynt: I still don't like my limbs to dangle over the bed. Even though my monster lived in my closet. I have to have the sheets pulled all the way up to my neck. As if that'll protect me somehow. Rational? No. Honest? Yup. Still, to this day....
miss scarlett: HA! That's hysterical. Although, it's our middle dog Rosie that has the one eye. Jean Paul is the toy poodle...however, I think he is scary enough to cause the boogie monster to think twice....you should hear his yap....
meirav: abusive parents who hurt children are the worst kind of boogie monster. I couldn't agree with you more. I used to work with troubled kids and their stories broke my heart and kept me from sleep lots of nights. I couldn't agree with you more. Thanks for leaving a comment :)
real live lesbian: I could totally picture a little girl jumping from her doorway to her bed! That made me giggle, because I so identify. I often thought my eyes should be bionic after all the training they received, focused on my closet door, intensely watching to see if it moved a millimeter... :)
Brian: Listen, I was so focused on my closet I forget about the space under my bed (but I didn't dangle limbs. Never ever. Still don't.) I can't believe my mother never used my fear to her advantage. She always hated when I left my drawers half open. Had she told me the Boogie Monster lived in them and would only come out if the drawers were left open, well....I'd be as OCD as Apes is about 'em....
Thank you for describing so perfectly (as usual) exactly how I have been feeling and for providing the answer. You rock.
Thank you for this awesome post. I was scared of the boogie monster as a child too. I can say that most of my childhood I lived in fear of a lot, including my own father. I find sometimes fear bothers me as an adult as it does a lot of adults. But you are right sometimes it takes stepping back and realizing there is as FDR put “We have nothing to fear but fear it self.” Even if I don’t have parents to call on this post will help me to remember to take a step back. I defiantly need to realize that my fears lie with in myself.
Tara: You're welcome. I told you that you weren't alone. We all fear some kind of boogie monster. I can't wait to see you soon!
Ang: that FDR quote is one of my favorites and I have to agree, most of the time, feeling fear is actually worse that actually doing or confronting whatever we need to do. The boogie monster does live inside of us...but that doesn't stop him from scaring me on occasion. I struggle too.
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