It's been pouring rain here for two solid days (thank you Tropical Storm Ida).
Last night, Apes called on her way home from work, excited about a sale happening at Tuesday Morning.
That's right. We get all excited-like when our local bottom dollar store has a sale. Where else can you get leopard print oven mitts for $1.00 and glass figurines that not even your grandma would accept?
It was nearly five o'clock and already pitch black as she pulled up to the house.
Did I mention it was pouring rain?
It was. Buckets of rain. Cold rain. That's integral to the story.
Apes wanted me to run outside and hop in the car. After all, it was dry in the car. No need for both of us to get wet.
Also important to the story - she happened to be driving my car because the Jeep's battery died on us a few days ago.
Shielding my pony-tailed head with my hands, I ran down our front steps, the rain slapping my body.
I pulled on the car door handle.
"OPEN THE DOOR!"
Calm as she could possibly be, Apes starts fumbling around, trying to find the right button to push.
She didn't turn on the overhead light.
She didn't hurry.
She simply took her time, opening the sun roof and the windows.
"RAINING! RAINING ON MY HEAD!" I screamed, jumping up and down. "UNLOCK THE DOOR!"
"I'm trying!" she said, still fumbling around. "I can't find the button! How am I supposed to open it?!"
"USE YOUR HANDS TO PULL THE LOCK UP! OLD SCHOOL!"
Sheepishly, she leaned over, tugged the lock and settled back into her seat. Her dry seat.
"WHAT THE HELL?!" I asked, wiping cascading water from my head.
I nearly drown to death because she lost her common sense and all I got was sorry.