Jokester.

I totally owe Part 2 of my PRK eye story and have it half written. But I realize the majority of folks aren't super interested in it, unless of course you have had or are planning to have your eyes "sanded" down.

Part 2 is coming, but until I have time to finish it, I thought I'd leave you with a joke someone shared with me last week. I can't stop retelling it.

What part of Popeye doesn't rust?

Wait for it, wait for it.

Wait for it.

Wait for it.

Wait for it.

The part he puts in Olive Oyl.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

My Experience With PRK Eye Surgery

Update: I'm an idiot. In the first publishing of this post, my backwards brain mistakenly and erroneously referred to my eye procedure as RPK. Um...it's actually PRK. I've made the correction.

Second Update: April just read this post and was outraged I did not accurately reflect her savings. She saved $300 more than I quote in the story below. I hope she can forgive me....

I took this lovely photo the moment I got home from my PRK procedure - obviously I couldn't tell the photo sucked.

I couldn't see, not a damn thing. But I wasn't in any pain...not yet anyway.

I want to share my PRK experience (one I would do again in a heartbeat) because I poured over so many other personal accounts during my recovery to make sure what I was experiencing was normal. I bypassed all the articles written by industry folks and went straight to the accounts by people wearing  stupid looking goggles (see above) and juggling a million different eye drop bottles because I knew that's where the truth could be found.

I have to say, I'm glad I didn't start reading blogs about PRK until AFTER I'd had it done. I think I might have freaked out. That's not to say I hadn't done my homework on the doctor performing my surgery. My girlfriend, April, had the LASIK procedure done by the same doctor a year prior, so I knew his credentials were good. April doesn't buy toothpaste without deliberating for hours and consulting her Excel spreadsheet, so I trusted my eye balls were safe.

Prior to my initial meeting with the doc, I figured I'd have LASIK, the same procedure April did. They create (usually witha  laser) a half-moon shaped flap in the cornea. An ultraviolet light beam removes ("ablates") very tiny bits of tissue from the cornea to reshape it. When the cornea is reshaped in the right way, it works better to focus light into the eye and onto the retina, providing clearer vision. The flap is then laid back in place, covering the area where the corneal tissue was removed.

Voila. Takes about five minutes total (for both eyes) and there is little pain and you can pretty much see better right after it's over.

Sign me up. I wanted it.

My vision wasn't terrible. It was hovering around 20/60. I pretty much had to wear contacts or glasses all the time and it bugged. Ever try yoga wearing glasses? Don't. Takes an act of God to keep those damn things in place.

I made my appointment and as I waited for my consultation, April drilled me on negotiation tactics. That's right, this is an ELECTIVE procedure and you can negotiate.

Seriously.

I had my doubts too, but not only is April an avid researcher, she can negotiate with the best of 'em. Once, when an auto shop called to explain a fix would be more costly, she not only got them to stick to the original price quoted, but convinced them to throw in an oil change at no cost. It's why I keep her.

When she went in for her procedure, she came armed with the knowledge of how much a friend of hers had paid. The sales person told her it would be nearly $5k for both eyes. She explained a friend just had the procedure done for $1200.00, same procedure. Sales person hemmed and hawed and said her friend likely had a different procedure, but came off $1,000.00 immediately. April pushed for more and after the sales person stepped out of the office to "consult" with the doctor several times, April secured a "top secret" price of $1,500.00 for both eyes.

I told her she was nuts. I was certain they planned on bringing the janitor in to do the surgery.

I was wrong. The surgeon she met with did the LASIK surgery and I'd say within 24 hours, she had 20/20 vision. She had dry eyes for several months, to be expected, but no complications then and none since.

Sitting in the office, waiting for my consultation, she reminded me of all this. During the consultation (which thankfully did NOT include the scary machine that blows air through your eye and into your brain), I endured about an hour of different eye tests and a very quick visit with the doctor himself.

I was a candidate for a procedure, just not LASIK.

I had no idea there was any other procedure being done. Apparently, if you are lucky enough to have astigmatisms, PRK is more widely utilized.

As it was explained to me by the doctor, the shape of my eyeball (due to the astigmatism) doesn't easily allow for a half-moon shape flap to be made in my corneas. Instead, a laser would simply "reshape" my eye, which would be a "TAD" bit more uncomforatable during recovery, but safer than LASIK because there is no risk of infection because there is no flap that needs to heal.

I'm no idiot. When a doctor uses the words TAD BIT in relation to pain, you know you're gonna cry like a little girl. Assuming your eyes work enough to cry.

I hated the ordeal of contacts and I've already explained the zen-ruining power of glasses in yoga, so I agreed the PRK procedure would be best.

I got shuffled back to my sales person and after extolling the virtues of the surgery, I got my price point. Just under $5,000.00. I smiled and explained my partner, sitting just outside, had surgery a year ago for $1,500.00. He'd already told me there is no price difference between LASIK and PRK. After a blank look, I too received $1,000.00 off the price - immediately. After thanking him for the "great deal," I explained the surgery still wasn't what I had budgeted for, so would need to go home and think about it.

Here's the deal - after they've spent a few hours with you doing the consultation, they DO NOT WANT to let you leave without booking you. He appeared frustrated, but quickly covered it up and gave me another $1,500.00 discount and said what he was offering me was UNHEARD of. He went on to say advances in technology prohibit such steep discounts now and I should jump on the offer.

Another secret, if negotiating doesn't make you uncomfortable (like it does me), hang in there, even if you feel pressure. I would have caved there, at the newly discounted price of $2,500.00 if I wasn't worried April would kill me before we got to the parking lot.

I explained I really wasn't an impulse buyer and it was still more than I budgeted for as I'd expected to pay what April paid. I told him I'd go home, think about it and call him if I thought I could manage to pay $2,500.00. He was frustrated, but he took my phone number down and we left.

MAGICALLY, a few days later, I got a phone call from the sales guy and he said he had some last minute "cancellations" for the upcoming Saturday. He'd already had to buy the supplies and needed to fill the spots, so if I could come in, he could offer me another discount of $700.00.

That's right. I had both eyes done for a total of $1,798.00, down from the original price quoted of $5,000.00.

AND I felt confident the janitor wouldn't be doing the surgery.

Once I accepted his "UNBELIEVABLE" offer, I made my appointment for that Saturday and refused to think about the TAD BIT of pain coming my way.

Part 2 tomorrow.

Paula Brooks/Bill Graber Non-Appreciation Facebook Page

A Facebook Page has been set up to collect stories being published by media outlets and bloggers world-wide. If you'd like to read more about this situation (I warn you, some of the published bullying accounts are difficult to stomach), feel free to head over and check out the links. Folks are adding links as they find them.

I think Mr. Graber's claim of being a misunderstood do-gooder are, um, clearly DONE.

Puppy Lurve

Because nothing lightens a mood like dawgs, I felt it necessary to share these pictures.

I think it helps explain why I kiss my dogs on the teeth. Go ahead and judge me. I can take it.

Snaggle doesn't understand that the basket was a joke, for the poodle. He also doesn't undersand why he has three rows of teeth.



Rosie, on her back, paws in the air like she just don't care.



 

You don't even have to tell me. I know.

And last but not least, there's Riley, who I often "nanny" for during the day....



In other, non-critter related news, I had my three month check up after having RPK surgery on my eyes and I have 20/15 vision. I'm going to blog about my experience (probably tomorrow) since other blogs really helped me out during my recovery time.

Time to go walk those four-legged family members.

Getting Back To What's Important. And Who's Important.

Oy. My head is spinning, what with all the chaos surrounding the Paula Brooks scandal (more via the link and my post from yesterday).

As more stories are hitting the web, Paula/Bill/EnterNameHere gets crazier and crazier. This person (supposedly a male, heterosexual, married man) disguised himself online as a lesbian and morphed from a surfer mom to a doctor to Rachael Maddow’s informant to working in a harassing office at the NSA to an employee of James Cameron in the span of four years (and I left some shit out).


This individual manipulated who knows how many people, built a website often sourced by media as the pulse of all things LGBT and was narcissistic enough to believe he wouldn’t get caught.

I actually think the words “Paula Brooks” need to become a verb for “you just got played.”

Right? Can’t you see it? “Dude, you just got Paula Brooked.”

Nothing could shock me anymore. Not even if the Washington Post uncovered the secret that Paula/Bill/EnterNameHere was truly a sock puppet with special powers.

He says he took on the persona of Paula Brooks because no one would take him seriously on LGBT issues as a straight man. He created heartbreaking stories (wife dying of cancer) and left a bunch of us wondering just who we can trust on the web.

But I don’t want to focus on this dimwit right now. I want to focus on someone who deserves it.

Someone who is who she says she is.

Lisa McGlaun.

A straight woman.

Someone who has been A REAL ally for LGBT people.

A person living with cancer.

Not pretend cancer like “Paula’s” made-up wife, Debbie.

The real kind. The kind that makes you sick. Takes your hair. Makes you re-evaluate your life.

That kind of cancer.

I first met Lisa when I started blogging back in 2007 or thereabouts. She authored a blog that reported only on heart warming topics and inspiring people. The blog, while understandably not updated frequently right now, can be found here.

Taken with the blog’s content, I soon began leaving comments for Lisa and vice versa. A true friendship developed which includes regular Facebook contact and the ever-so-important exchange of holiday greetings.

In November of last year, I noticed something different about Lisa’s Facebook photo. I clicked over to her Wall and read some of her status updates. My heart sank.

Immediately, I emailed Lisa and inquired about what I’d read. True to form, Lisa responded quickly, but only went into details after making sure I first knew how excited she was about the adoption process April and I are in the middle of.

That’s Lisa. Truly compassionate. No Paula Brooks faking here.

Lisa’s story moved me to tears.

In July of last year, she was diagnosed with breast cancer. Thankfully, the cancer had not spread outside of the large tumor found in her left breast. The doctors were sure they’d found the cancer early and her prognosis was good, but still terrifying.

Chemotherapy is shrinking the tumor and while it’s leaving her fatigued and in some pain, it also sparked something amazing.

Not that I’m surprised. This is Lisa we’re talking about.

Lisa today and on the mend!

In Lisa’s own words:

“When I went to my oncologist’s office for the first time in August, I distracted myself by reading all of the signs posted on the walls. That way I didn’t have to think about what was coming down the pipe…chemo, surgery, radiation…all stuff that was out of my control.

One of the signs said, ‘Do you want to be a happy hooker?’

Well, that caught my attention! Turns out it was an invitation to join a crocheting group started by my doctor. These people get together once a month to crochet hats and blankets for chemo patients, which I was about to be one of!”

Lisa went to that Happy Hooker meeting and loved it. Instead of focusing on the side effects of her cancer treatment, like not being able to get off the couch if she wanted to, she made hats. Lots and lots of hats.

During an appointment at another cancer office, Lisa noticed they didn’t have a Happy Hooker group to provide a source of warmth for the bald-headed people coming in and out of treatment.

“My head gets really cold,” Lisa said. “I know other women who’ve lost their hair and feel like I do. There have been nights when I’ve slept with a hat on because even though I’m nestled under the covers, my shiny bald head is not!”

Lisa began to donate all the hats she was making to the cancer center. Yarn was getting expensive, so Lisa did some brainstorming to figure out how she could keep up with the demand she knew existed.

“I’d go to bed thinking about how I could afford to keep doing it,” she said. “I’d wake up at 4am because cancer patients who are on steroids never get a good night’s sleep! I settled on a buy one/share one program and my husband, Todd, came up with the name Hats Unto Others.”

Hats Unto Others.

Here’s the deal. Lisa is super creative and can crochet nearly any type of hat (and any color) that the buyer wants. After she’s done making the buyer’s hat, she crochets one that she donates (in the buyer’s name) to a local cancer center for a chemo patient.

It’s $27.00 for the two hats ($25.00 plus a $2.00 shipping fee). The preferred method of payment is PayPal and Lisa can give you all those details if you want to be a good sport and help her meet her initial goal of creating 1,000 hats.

I know it’s summer, but for a bald-headed chemo patient, a sweltering day in June can feel like ice. Get you a cool cap for the upcoming fall season and help a cancer patient out TODAY.

Here are just a select FEW of the hats made by the talented Lisa:

You know Apes and I each got one! We love them.

To contact Lisa about the Hats Unto Others program or to place your own order, you can contact her at hatsuntoothers@gmail.com.

Thank You

Lisa, thank you for reminding me, in the current atmosphere of blogger suspicion and manipulation, that REAL, HONEST connections can be made through this thing we call the internet.

I feel blessed to know you, to have learned from your journey and as a result of your positive outlook in the face of adversity, I know the power of the human spirit and I know that it is good.

Now, ya’ll readers go buy yourselves a hat and tell Lisa I sent ya!